Chérrie's Blog

The ultimate revelation

2012-01-30T10:25:00.001-08:00

In a previous post, 'Crossroads', I talked about how revelations happen when you meet someone who has the ability to make you realize things that you would have never considered or thought of by yourself. When I became conscious of that, I was talking to a very old friend of mine, who, today, has once again enlightened me. Not too long ago we were talking about me, and how I'm somewhat bipolar in my social relationships. I always thought of myself as pretty reasonable, but apparently, one of my oldest friends, if not the oldest, proved me wrong. Turns out, I am not that nice. Supposedly (and as it's been demonstrated), I am picky and capable of judging someone over the smallest mistake ever invented. I apparently have the tendency to hit the 'skip' button whenever I discover a meaningless detail which is, however, unforgivable to me, in spite of all the good things that are put on the table. By what this nonsense is induced, I don't know. Psychoanalysis is not something I can accomplish on myself. People repeat the same behavioural patterns over and over again, but I'd have never thought that this was mine. If anything, I always tried to be tolerant.

However, I do believe that in more meaningful relationships of any type, a mutual respect of behaviour and personal philosophy is imperative. I may give up on people too easily, and I admit it's wrong. But I also care enough to notice the discrepancies. And I may be hasty, but one can't help a hot temper.

However, my friend was right. So, I'll try to be nicer.

If you don't know what you want

2012-01-23T13:03:00.000-08:00

...you end up with a lot you don't. And when you find yourself stuck in a place where you'd rather not be, then there's a problem. The existence of the problem is acknowleged. You try to come up with a solution. You find the solution, you make all the sacrifices in the world to solve the problem, and you leave that place. You leave it for some other place, a place that you've always dreamed of, that every single person on this planet has always dreamed of. You arrive. Shock. You don't really like the new place. Sure, it's nice, and everything. But it's full of ghosts, and they try to be friendly, but instead they haunt you, and they drain you. They love you, and you leave them. It's not easy, but you manage to escape. And where do you go? Back. Funny thing is, when you get back, it feels like you're moving forward. It's not a repetition, and it's not suffocating. On the contrary, it's eliberating. But it doesn't mean there's no damage. There is quite a lot of it, but it beats the hell out of the alternative.

The thing is, you have got to know what it is that you want. You have got to make up your mind. And you can't afford to be impulsive when it comes to serious things. You don't get to be hasty, and you don't get to be angry when you choose. Because if you hurry, if you don't think it through, you're going to do some pretty unfixable damage.

So take your time. I've taken mine.

Observations on the feeling of the beautiful and sublime

2012-01-20T05:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think evolution is not a miracle but a tragedy. You look around, you observe, and you judge or you don't, but you ask yourself what the hell is going on and how the hell did it happen.

It's an exhausting subject and I'm not going any further, but I kind of despise society for implanting stupid conceptions into people's heads, including mine.

Anyway, what I really wanted to discuss was Kant's essay 'Observations on the feeling of the beautiful and sublime', in which he basically states that there is a huge difference between the two notions and that each gender is more or less driven by one of them.

Kant seems to believe that the feeling of beautiful presents boundaries, that it's limited, whereas the feeling of sublime is actually infinite. While the beautiful simply delights and pleases the human mind, the sublime terrifies and astonishes it, inducing a feeling of horror; however, the complexity of the sublime consists in the fact that the mind is pleased by the attempt to understand it, and by the contemplation of it. The tragedy of the sublime lies in its ambiguity. It's impossible to descifrate, but it's so spectacular that the simple meditation of it can bring ecstasy. The beautiful, however, is simpler, and much more subjective than the sublime. It does not shock, it soothes and it pleases right away.

Kant attributed the feeling of the beautiful to women, and the feeling of sublime to men. He believes that women are mostly attracted to and posses qualities related to the feeling of beautiful, like generosity and kindness, while men have more principles and are drawn to the sublime, to nobility and duty. He says that put togheter, these two notions have the power to complete each other, making one whole, moral individual.

Kant is one personality that I will not argue with, so all I can say is that I've enjoyed reading the essay; it's one of those things that make you wonder.

Intertwined

2012-01-17T12:09:00.000-08:00

No one can run from history

We've gotten rather weary

You've improved and I've fought

Now no one would have thought

We had anything to do with stars

Maybe we didn't

And maybe it was nothing

But it sure felt like something

When the roughness of your ice

And the wildness of my flames

Got entangled with each other

With such a simple history

And such a dull memory

Sparks are inexplicable

But also frightening

And the most I could ever hope for

Is that sometime this confusion

Will be cut by the knife of certainty

Because instead of putting out my fire

Your ice is making it burn harder

And I, instead of melting you

I make you even colder

And while you're freezing I am burning

And it goes on until the morning.

Crossroads

2012-01-02T04:24:00.000-08:00

Revelations. They don't just happen, it's not like the movies, when someone lies on the floor facing the ceiling, thinking about the meaning of life, and the ultimate answer just pops magically into their head. That does not exist. However, revelations are real, and they do happen. I think I've come to understand the way it works. Think about how many people you meet every day. In that huge mass, there are some, a very small number, of really great persons, with beautiful minds. Some of those people, if you are lucky enough to meet them, can inspire you and make you realize so many things. They can answer your questions, questions which have burnt your soul for years. They can put out the flames and they can bring you the comfort of a solved mystery. They can teach you what they know, and there are people around you that know so many things. It's inspiring. Imagine how many amazing meetings you have had up until now. Think of how much people have influenced you, in a good and productive way. Think of how many times you have been saved by someone who had all the answers. Now think about how absolutely dreadful it would be if you'd miss out on such an experience. Because in this hazardous, chaotic world, you could really use someone who will help you grow. Taking an opportunity for granted will come back to bite you in the ass.

let me go already

2011-11-21T07:09:00.000-08:00

There's something funny about coming home after you've been gone alot. You're different. Everybody else is different. Yet, everything's pretty much the same. That's why we call it home. And they say there's no other place in the world like it. And they, whoever they are, are totally right.

I've learned that running away is never a good option, because whatever you're trying to get away from follows you everywhere you go, stays with you, until you can bring yourself to face it, to try and fix it.

There's something funny about leaving a place in order to come home. When leaving was a mistake in the first place. The burden of starting over a new life that you didn't even need, the ghosts that you met, that you´ve loved. Things like these, they break you on some level. And if you cave in, if you let the ghosts get to you, if you let them hollow you with their dullness, you stay there. But if you´re strong you walk away from them, even if you've come to love them. You find it in yourself to give up and let go. But the past always follows you around...the ghosts, they refuse to let you go. They stick with you, even if you don't want them in your life anymore. The past is done. The unchangeable doesn't interest me. All I want is to forget.

I am not dead

2011-09-28T02:56:00.000-07:00

At all. I assure you. The thing is, I've been so damn busy-I don't even think it's legal! First, I had to settle down here in Paris, then I had to go to school, do my homework (which is btw A LOT, I don't even think it's legal), then I had to get over the whole transition thing (which has not yet passed), then I had to get over the whole 'new girl' thing, which I'm happy to report that is going great. Well, not my first day...that was a bust. The most horrible miserable day of my life so far. But, like I said, I managed to get over everything. And then, last but not least, I had to get a laptop of my own. Which I did. And technically-technically now I can start writing again (god I missed that) :-)

In fact, my fiction writing tendencies are interfering with my academic life here. Like, I get all Science Fiction in Philosophy, and I end up talking about something other that the subject itself. Anyway...See you next time <3

People are what matters

2011-08-22T03:56:00.000-07:00

People own so much stuff. Just think about it, about how many objects you have, useful or useless. Now imagine you'd have to pack up some of your stuff, and leave the rest of it behind, or throw it away. It may seem weird, it may appear hard, having to give up someting you've had for a long time, just because there's no room for it where you're going. The ring that your best friend gave you, the hoodie you got from London, the pocketsized mirror you found on the beach, your favourite cushion, the dress from Santorini, your silver flask. It may seem difficult to give it all up. But when you try, when you start doing it, when you begin to decide the fate of your belongings, when you are the judge of their future, you realize it's not. There's nothing melodramatic about packing up your life. Because objects are just objects, they don't matter. If they're special, mysterious or valuable, the memory of them will do. You won't forget them if they get lost. But the essential thing that I've discovered is that objects don't matter. I'm here packing up my stuff, and all that I want, all that I'm wishing for, is that I could throw away all of this useless mess, and pack up people instead. People are what matters.

London

2011-08-17T11:52:00.000-07:00

Heelicious

2011-08-16T12:51:00.000-07:00

makeup favourites

2011-08-15T05:39:00.000-07:00

I was going through my make-up today, cleaning my brushes and sponges and throwing away old stuff, and I decided to put togheter a little collage of all my favourite products. Don't use them all at once, though! :-)

Go Nude

2011-08-14T06:53:00.000-07:00

...so to speak.

Day 30

2011-08-13T03:47:00.000-07:00

Day 30: Your favourite month of the year, and day of the week.

My favourite day of the week is Friday, for two reasons. The first one is that I am active in the morning (yes, this is something good for me), because I have to go to school, and the second one is that I can stay out late, because the next day is free. I don't prefer Saturdays to Fridays for the simple reason that on Saturday I spend the morning at home, "relaxing". And I hate relaxing, I always have to do something. I can't help being a morning person.

I was gonna say that my favourite month of the year is July, because it's sunny and it's holiday, but then I thought about it for a little while and I realised that July is pretty boring and that my favourite month is really September, because it's still sunny, but not unbearably hot, and because it always feels like a fresh start, a clean slate.

So it appears that I've managed to get through another 30 day challenge. See that? Just what I was saying before. I did another 30-day challenge, just for fun and to keep myself busy. Because if I'm not busy I go crazy. So I only have 19 days until I'm moving away to France, which means that I'm pretty busy...which is good, like I said. Now, I don't know how much I'm going to post around here, especially in the last week, but I have some stuff already prepared, and it should be okay to keep you entertained in this whole moving-settleing in mess-of-a-proccess. So even if you won't see many words (maybe you will, who knows when something will go wrong and I'll need a place to bitch about stuff?), you will definitely see loads of photos, outfits, and music. So stay tuned.

Day 29

2011-08-12T02:16:00.000-07:00

Day 29: The book you're reading right now.

At the moment I'm reading two books, one is a novel by Elizabeth Kostova, The Historian, and the second one is by a romanian author, Mircea Eliade.

Day 28

2011-08-11T10:12:00.000-07:00

Day 28: Your favourite clothing shops.

Mango, Zara, Stradivarius, H&M, Sinequanone.

How to wear a Blue Blazer

2011-08-10T10:09:00.000-07:00

Day 27

2011-08-10T02:43:00.000-07:00

Day 27: Discuss what type of family you would like to have.

Like, when I grow up? I don't know if I'll ever get married. But what I would love is to adopt a baby.

Day 26

2011-08-09T10:57:00.000-07:00

Day 26: What you believe is the meaning of love.

I have absolutely no idea.

Day 25

2011-08-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

Day 25: What you believe is the meaning of life.

I don't believe that there's some kind of universal meaning to life. It depends on each individual, what they want to do, the things they value. However, as far as I'm concerned, life should be about fun. About friends, and family, and love, and all the nice things available!

Back to School Outfits

2011-08-07T05:08:00.000-07:00

I know school is starting in like a month, and I figured I should put togheter some outfits as inspiration. One of them is with jeans, the second one with a skirt, and the third one with a dress. Variety, right? :-)

Day 24 (+24 days left until I'm moving to Paris, yeey).

2011-08-07T02:16:00.000-07:00

Day 24: Something you really want to do, but think you'll regret afterwards.

I've always wondered how I'd look with blonde hair. I was about to go through with it a year ago, but I decided I'll only do it when my hair will need to be dyed; until then, I'm keeping it natural.

Day 23

2011-08-06T01:10:00.000-07:00

Day 23: The 5 clothing items which you believe should be in any woman's wardrobe.

Little black dress, black heels, a white shirt, a pair of jeans and an elegant jacket.

Day 22

2011-08-05T03:48:00.000-07:00

Day 22: Your favourite fashion designers. Post some pictures of their creations.

Blumarine!

I love Moschino!

Sonia Rykiel's creations are really funky, I love them!

Carolina Herrera:

I've recently discovered a Romanian designer whose dresses I really love, Maria Lucia Hohan. She's becoming more and more famous abroad, too.

Chanel, simple yet extravagant.

When it comes to evening dresses, I like Zuhair Murad's creations. His dresses are usually long and mermaid-like, very complimenting and very luxurious.

Day 21

2011-08-04T12:05:00.000-07:00

Day 21: The most dangerous thing on your bucket list.

Really hardcore bungee jumping, scuba diving, water skiing, and one more thing, but I won't say.

Day 20 + really cute dresses

2011-08-03T07:28:00.000-07:00

Day 20: Your plans after you finish highschool/college.

Well, it kind of depends on what career I'll choose, but like I said in the previous post, I haven't exactly figured that out yet. Nevertheless, I have the crazy idea of taking a leap year and travel around the world. That would be awesome, but a bit unrealistic.

One thing's for certain: after I finish highschool, I am going to move to another country, maybe the UK, and stay there for like ever!

Day 19

2011-08-02T01:27:00.000-07:00

Day 19: Your dream career.

I'd love some kind of job dealing with art history, like art critic or university teacher, or something. But I'd also like to be a shrink, I just don't know if I could put up with people's idiotic problems...Or maybe I could be a lawyer. I don't know, still figuring that out.

Day 18

2011-08-01T02:49:00.000-07:00

Day 18: Things that stress you out.

Shallowness, rudeness, disrespect, disregard for other people's feelings, pollution, global warming, when the sky is grey, TV, terrorism, children, starvation, indoctrination, liars, betrayal, carelessness, judgy&close minded people. And the new ballet louboutins, they're awful.

Day 17

2011-07-31T00:09:00.000-07:00

Day 17: One of your favourite poems.

Novel, by Arthur Rimbaud. Because everything was pretty much the same 160 years ago.

Novel

No one's serious at seventeen.
--On beautiful nights when beer and lemonade
And loud, blinding cafés are the last thing you need
--You stroll beneath green lindens on the promenade.

Lindens smell fine on fine June nights!
Sometimes the air is so sweet that you close your eyes;
The wind brings sounds--the town is near--
And carries scents of vineyards and beer. . .

II.

--Over there, framed by a branch
You can see a little patch of dark blue
Stung by a sinister star that fades
With faint quiverings, so small and white. . .

June nights! Seventeen!--Drink it in.
Sap is champagne, it goes to your head. . .
The mind wanders, you feel a kiss
On your lips, quivering like a living thing. . .

III.

The wild heart Crusoes through a thousand novels
--And when a young girl walks alluringly
Through a streetlamp's pale light, beneath the ominous shadow
Of her father's starched collar. . .

Because as she passes by, boot heels tapping,
She turns on a dime, eyes wide,
Finding you too sweet to resist. . .
--And cavatinas die on your lips.

IV.

You're in love. Off the market till August.
You're in love.--Your sonnets make Her laugh.
Your friends are gone, you're bad news.
--Then, one night, your beloved, writes. . .!

That night. . .you return to the blinding cafés;
You order beer or lemonade. . .
--No one's serious at seventeen
When lindens line the promenade.

Day 16

2011-07-29T23:54:00.000-07:00

Day 16: Things you notice first when you meet someone new.

Eye colour, hands(nails), shoes, clothes, hair, eyelashes...pretty much everything. But hey, I don't judge. Blue eyes and nice hands will help you, though.

Day 15

2011-07-28T23:39:00.000-07:00

Day 15: Your dream vacation.

A cruise around the world, with one-week stops in each Greek island, the French Riviera, Istanbul, Thessaloniki, Iceland, Tijuana, Rio de Janeiro, Baja California, and Maui.

Day 14

2011-07-28T02:37:00.000-07:00

Day 14: Your favourite drink.

...is rosé Champagne and wine, pretty much. Also, Mai Tai cocktail and lemonade. And cranberry juice. Oh, and Jasmine Green tea.

Day 13

2011-07-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

Day 13. One of your favourite quotes and why you believe it's true.

I am a quote hunter. When I like an author, I look up the things they've stated. And I find lots of quotes, and I believe lots of them are true.

But one of my absolute favourites is "I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing.", by Anais Nin. I think there are many people out there who are afraid of life, who are afraid of doing something just because they assume it will be a failure. This is truly tragic when it comes to not doing something you love, or you really want, for this pathetic reason. People die all the time, they lose bets, they get hurt, they put themselves out there and they end up heartbroken. But these are sad cases, and it doesn't mean that it's always like this. Sometimes, people end up being happier than before, they don't get screwed over when they open up to someone new, and they live. We're all going to die at some point, and the only question that remains is wheter we're going to enjoy the ride or not. We always have to seek the thrill, love, friendship, adrenaline. Without that, we cannot call ourselves 'human'. Happiness is a very curious thing; try to imagine how every mistake you've ever made is just a step forward, not backward, to your future happy place. Happiness is not a big thing, a big moment of revelation, it is all the little moments. You will never feel complete happiness. That does not exist. The only way you will ever be able to feel happy is when you're going to emphasize and value the positive little things in your everyday life, until they outrun the bad ones. Remember, you're seeking the thrill. Whatever gives you the thrill, or anything that even remotely resembles the thrill, do it. Even if it could make your world collapse. Because it could also make your world go round! There's also the eternal question 'If you would die right now, would you be at peace?'. The answer, my answer is 'No'. No, I would not be at peace, because...let's put it like this: from all the things that I plan on doing...I haven't even done a quarter. There's always more. Our plans could change. We could add things to our bucket list all the time. Every day, we could add a thing or two to our bucket list. All it means is we're human. We freakin' evolve, with every second passing by. If we're gonna be happy, we have to allow ourselves to make a mistake, to get disappointed, to lose. It's the only way, taking a chance is the only way.

Day 12

2011-07-26T01:12:00.000-07:00

Day 11: A 'guilty pleasure'.

Coffe! Actually, coffe is kind of healthy if you only drink one/day. But I drink more. So yeah, guilty pleasure!

Day 11

2011-07-25T06:05:00.000-07:00

Day 11: If you have any tattoos or piercings, where are they placed&what they mean.

No piercings, just a black tattoo of 7 butterflies on my right lower back, going up to my waist.

Well, the meaning of butterflies is oh-so-clear(youth, freedom, beauty), but why 7?

Number 7 is the most spiritual of all numbers. In all cultures, myths and legends, 7 represents completness, totality, perfection, reintegration. Also, there's an astrological meaning to the number 7: there are 7 stars of the Great Bear, and 7 Pleiades.

Day 10

2011-07-24T08:40:00.000-07:00

Day 10: Your favorite sport.

I love swimming and basketball :-)

Day 8 and 9

2011-07-23T09:16:00.000-07:00

I missed a day...but I'm getting back on track. So:

Day 8: Your favorite cities in the world.

London, United Kingdom
Dublin, Ireland
Monte Carlo, Monaco
Paris, France
Florence, Italy
Thessaloniki, Greece
Istanbul, Turkey
Vienna, Austria
Budapest, Hungary
Prague, Czech Republic
Rome, Italy
Marseille, France
Nice, France
Milano, Italy
Genova, Italy

And Day 9: All the countries you've been to.

Austria, Italy, Germany, France, Spain, United Kingdom, Ireland, Greece, Czech Republic, Slovenia, Slovakia, Hungary, Switzerland, Bulgaria, Croatia.

Day 7

2011-07-21T03:17:00.000-07:00

Day 7: The languages you can speak(even if just a bit).

In order of fluency: Romanian, English, French, Spanish&Turkish(just a bit).

Day 6

2011-07-20T04:44:00.001-07:00

Day 6: Something you've wanted for a long time, but didn't accomplish yet.

Oh well, this challenge's askin' for a list:

learn how to play the piano (too bad I'm SO not talented)
read Russian classics
dye my hair blonde
learn Greek
learn how to play guitar (I even bought one, but gave it away since I've never even laid a hand on it)
get rid of all the clothes I'm never wearing

And I'm sure there's more but nothing else comes to mind now.

Day 5

2011-07-19T00:33:00.000-07:00

Day 5: Your favorite jewellery and if it has a meaning.

Well, I own lots of earrings...I suppose they're my favorite piece of jewellery. But my mom got me a really nice Swarovski brilliance set when we were in Prague, so I'd always have something special from her, and I guess that's the most meaningful one I have.

Day 4(and how my sunburn turned into a tan)

2011-07-18T01:08:00.000-07:00

Day 4: Your favorite color and why it makes you feel good.

My fav. colour is blue, and it makes me feel good because it calms me down. And it reminds me of the sky, and of water. And it's also pretty.

...and how my sunburn turned into a tan. Overnight, the redness transformed into chocolate brown-ness and now it looks decent. :-)

Day 3 (and how I got sunburned).

2011-07-17T11:19:00.000-07:00

Day 3: Your favorite book authors.

Well, love to read, and I've started lots of books in my life, but only finished the ones that were catchy. I loved so many novels that I couldn't say very accurately which one was my absolute favorite, but I guess the Harry Potter series are my all time favorites, because I've read the first ones when I was little, and I kept on reading them as they appeared. So to sum up, my favorite book authors are: JK Rowling, Oscar Wilde, Emily Bronte, Anais Nin, Jonathan Safran-Foer, Janet Fitch, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Jeffrey Eugenides.

...and how I got sunburned... I have been longing for a tan all summer, and never got the chance to stay in the sun long enough to get tanned (I can't stay in my backyard because all the insects attack me), so I went to the beach(well, "beach", actually, it's a lake with some sand around it), and...needless to say, I exaggerated a little bit...and now I'm all sore. So don't do that, do not sit in the sun for 5 hours, you will get burned, and it will hurt.

Day 2

2011-07-16T02:44:00.000-07:00

Day 2: The TV show you enjoy most this summer.
TrueBlood...and Pretty Little Liars, since they're the only shows going on in the summer, but I enjoy TrueBlood more.

Challenge Accepted

2011-07-15T07:22:00.000-07:00

So I've been thinking about starting another 30 day challenge on the 1st of August, but the last part of August is going to be really busy for me, because I'm moving to France, and so I've decided to start now, and finish it in early August. So here we go.

Day 1 : Your favorite song at the moment.

My favorite song right now is "Rolling in the deep" by Adele. I just can't get enough of it.

Challenge

2011-07-12T03:57:00.000-07:00

Some of these days I'm gonna start this brand new 30-day challenge which I've found online.

Pinky Monday afternoon

2011-07-11T07:55:00.000-07:00

:-)

2011-07-09T08:42:00.001-07:00

Flash Countdown

I totally hate Sundays

2011-07-09T05:20:00.000-07:00

Because everybody is lazy and sleepy and I'm not.

Perfect dinner table

2011-07-05T02:46:00.000-07:00

Johnny Depp
Anais Nin
J.K.Rowling
Jude Law
Jonathan Safran Foer
Napoleon Bonaparte
Oscar Wilde

Happiness

2011-07-04T07:52:00.000-07:00

The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open. (Chuck Palahniuk)
Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.(Mark Twain)
You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.(Jonathan Safran Foer)
Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.(Guillaume Apollinaire)
I think and think and think, I‘ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.(Jonathan Safran Foer)
It's like Tolstoy said. Happiness is an allegory, unhappiness a story.(Haruki Murakami)
Man only likes to count his troubles; he doesn't calculate his happiness. (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.(Rita Mae Brown)
I don't think that there are any limits to how excellent we could make life seem.(Jonathan Safran Foer)
I have no faith in human perfectibility. I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is now only more active - not more happy - nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago.(Edgar Allan Poe)
The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.(Marcus Aurelius)
I am not proud, but I am happy; and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride.(Alexandre Dumas)
I know that's what people say-- you'll get over it. I'd say it, too. But I know it's not true. Oh, youll be happy again, never fear. But you won't forget. Every time you fall in love it will be because something in the man reminds you of him.(Betty Smith)
Feathers filled the small room. Our laughter kept the feathers in the air. I thought about birds. Could they fly is there wasn't someone, somewhere, laughing?(Jonathan Safran Foer)
What can I do with my happiness? How can I keep it, conceal it, bury it where I may never lose it? I want to kneel as it falls over me like rain, gather it up with lace and silk, and press it over myself again.(Anais Nin)

The girl who died waiting

2011-06-29T12:00:00.000-07:00

"Look, it's not like you can change anything, even if you find out, even if they tell you. You're just gonna go with it, it's not like you're gonna refuse it, whatever it is. So why do you keep stressing out and getting insomnia for something which you cannot control?'

Well, that's a smart question. Why do you think one would stress out for something that's out of one's hands? Why? Because not all of us can be as careless as you! Some of us are genuinely exicted about out lives. So what if I'm probably gonna lose my mind in the process? Rather than not putting some feeling into it, I'd say it means that I'm alive.

Tuesday

2011-06-28T00:08:00.000-07:00

Paris je t'aime

2011-06-27T03:55:00.000-07:00

...Is a movie which appeared in 2006. Now I know I'm about...5 years late to discuss it, but my only excuse is that I don't watch lots of movies, just tv series(they're shorter and more consistent). I'm not going to give a review or something, because it's pretty pathetic, you know, with the 5 year thingy...I saw the movie like yesterday, and it got me thinking...Maybe if more movies were made this way(with the contribution of more directors; in this case I think there were 18 diferent ones) I would actually prefer watching a movie rather than my usual tv series. It's way more interesting to present a subject(in this case, the way love can blossom or even die in Paris) from more than one perspective. I'm one of those people who prefer to watch happy ending movies more than sad melodramatic ones, because the very reason I watch a movie is to cheer up. Well, this goes for comedies and maybe dramas, but I'm not crazy to expect a history movie or a horror to end happily. If horror movies would have a happy end I would probably not be so freaked out about them, though. The thing about this sort of movie is that you can see more stories(revolving around the same subject, as I've said), but you only see the magical part of it (in this case, falling in love/meeting your soulmate). You don't get into details, you don't even know most of the characters' names, you just witness the way they meet. Anyway, 'Paris je t'aime' is a great movie, so if you are, like me, a bit behind on this subject, you should totally take the time and watch it.

Anaïs Nin quotes

2011-06-23T00:29:00.000-07:00

Anaïs Nin is one of my favourite authors. I think her work is incredibly honestly put, and the fact that it's autobiographical makes it even easier to relate to. What I love about her is that she simply dismisses everything boring, normal, conventional, and she never stops searching for some 'ecstasy' .Some of my favourite quotes:

Right or wrong

2011-06-18T10:07:00.000-07:00

Things are usually either black or white for me. There's no inbetween. Not always. Just in very rare situations, when I actually can't decide wheter a thing is right or wrong. Usually, this happens when subjective feelings are involved.

So. I'm in a point where I can't determine wheter I was right to do a thing, or incredibly wrong. I tend to think I was mistaken, but that doesn't mean what happened was not okay.

Just because something isn't a good idea, it doesn't mean you don't enjoy doing it anyway.

Society

2011-06-15T09:29:00.000-07:00

Virtually everyone is influenced by social rules and standards. Even if you try to be a little different in this world (or maybe you can't even help it), they mock you and suck you right back into their bubble. Originality doesn't exist anymore-I get that, there's millions of us people on Earth. But when you don't accept and respect their standards, you're an outcast, and being an outcast is pretty cruel nowadays. Not the cool, untouchable, too-good-for-us kind of outcast, but the you-don't-even-matter, go-kill-yourself type. Not being accepted into society is one of the worst things that can happen you a person. And we keep complaining that we're forced to follow unrealistic trends, but who do you think that creates these trends? Society. What's society?We are. We, and nobody else, not an almighty modern god, but us, people, mortals, the ones who end up whining about it.

Summertimeee

2011-06-09T05:15:00.000-07:00

Finally, the time that we've been all waiting for (at least I know I have) has come. It's incredibly hot outside, there are thunderstorms at night and school is just about to end. We have one more week in which we're supposed to go to school, but I'm thinking about bailing all week. The only downside to this weather is that it keeps me up at night because of the heat. But nevertheless, it's awesome and I love it. I hope I'll have time to go to the seaside for like a week, but I'll mostly stay at home this vacation. How cool is summer? :-)

wishlist

2011-06-08T09:29:00.000-07:00

Fashiolista

2011-06-07T03:55:00.001-07:00

follow me

Day 30

2011-06-06T07:16:00.000-07:00

First, a collection of pretty pictures which I've collected during these very full 30 days.

Challenge 30: Your highs and lows of this month.

Highs:

I managed to organize a camping trip
I improved my grades a little
I got a little tanned
I learned alot of French
I organized my wardrobe(tough stuff) and gave away everything I haven't worn in the past 2 years
I got rid of all my makeup products which were more than 2 months old

Lows:

I got angry for meaningless things(very often)
I was less than optimistic regarding some situations
I didn't make time to read all the books that I wanted to

The 30 day challenge was in fact extremely challenging, because it was super-hard for me to get online every day and post. But I guess that 's the point of it all. However, I am happy to report that I've successfully completed all the tasks.

I hope I'll be able to keep writing...

Day 29

2011-06-05T06:32:00.000-07:00

Challenge 29: Your goals for the next 30 days

going camping with my classmates
finishing school
getting a pretty tan
gradually filling up my suitcases
listening to live music
going out
celebrating summer
reuniting with friends from far away
spending quality time with my friends&family&baby dog.

Day 28

2011-06-04T04:40:00.001-07:00

Challenge 28:Something that you miss.
I reaaally miss the Ocean. :-)

Day 27

2011-06-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

Challenge 27:A problem that you have had.
I had to make a lifechanging choice. And I hope I chose right.

Day 26

2011-06-02T06:19:00.000-07:00

Challenge 26; What kind of person attracts you

The self-destructive rebellious type :))

Day 25

2011-06-01T00:57:00.000-07:00

Challenge 25: Someone who fascinated you and why

Well, you know, I don't think that there's a particular person who fascinates me. I'm somewhat fascinated by everyone I meet. People, in general, are rather fascinating. Because I have so much to learn from everyone I interact with, because all of us have so much to give. People, when they're being honest, when they're being themselves, are so interesting and so valuable, in so many ways.

Day 24

2011-05-31T03:43:00.000-07:00

Challenge 24:Your favourite movie and what it's about.

I have soo many favourites when it comes to movies, so it's reaaally hard to choose. But I guess I'll talk about Inception.

"In a world where technology exists to enter the human mind through dream invasion, a highly skilled thief is given a final chance at redemption which involves executing his toughest job to date: Inception."

The movie is about a man named Dom Cobb, and his partner Arthur, who perform an illegal corporate espionage by entering the subconscious minds of their targets, using two-level "dream within a dream" strategies to "extract" valuable information. One of Cobb's former 'targets', Mr. Saito, asks him to perform 'inception' on a person, which means to plant an idea into that person's head. In order to do that, Cobb and Arthur need to gather a team, which will include Ariadne, an Architecture student, who will design the labyrinths in the dreams. During the movie, Cobb's dead wife's projection keeps showing up in the dreams, sometimes destroying the plan. At the end of the movie, the job is done and Cobb is finally able to return to the US and reunite with his children.

Day 23

2011-05-30T04:00:00.000-07:00

Challenge 23: Give pictures of 5 guys who you find attractive who are famous.

Johnny Depp
Jonathan Rhys-Meyers
Jude Law
Kıvanç Tatlıtuğ
Paul Walker

(+Javier Bardem, Chace Crawford, Jesse Williams, Kevin Mc Kidd, Jeffrey Dean Morgan)

Day 22

2011-05-29T03:47:00.000-07:00

Challenge 22: How have you changed in the past 2 years.

I was actually thinking about this like last week or so. How have I changed? Well, firstly, I look different now. My hair is longer and I'm a bit taller. Apart from the obvious changes in my appearance, I suppose my beliefs regarding religion have changed, too. Also, the music that I like is different now, more or less. Another thing that is a bit different now is the way I tend to deal with major issues. If about 2 years ago I would sweat over anything, now I'm more relaxed and I have a more optimistic approach to problems. I've learned that not everything which seems to me sooo important really is, and that things change beyond our control. I just try not to panic over things which I cannot make better. Sometimes, it is just out of our hands, and you know what, that's okay. Another thing, maybe it's a silly one, is that 2 years ago I used to like cats a lot. Now that I have a baby dog, I love dogs more. And maybe the most important thing that has changed over these past 2 years is that when I came to highschool, I was sure I wanted to study architecture, but now that's totally different, and I'm thinking of majoring in law or psychology. Well, I guess that's kinda it.

Day 21

2011-05-28T01:35:00.001-07:00

Challenge 21: One of your favourite shows

I am addicted to TV shows, I watch like 20, but Grey's anatomy has always been my favourite. I love the characters and the whole story. It's very realistic, and it gives some really good and useful insight about life.

Day 20

2011-05-27T03:50:00.000-07:00

Challenge 20: How important you think education is.
Well, it's pretty important. Even though half the things they teach us in school are completely irrelevant in our day to day life, the other half is useful and we have to know it. Being educated makes you feel complete, and I can't imagine someone feeling wholesome if they didn't know a thing or two about certain subjects. And then there are the subjects that we are interested in, that we want to know more about. Taking initiative and trying to learn something about a subject outside school is really the thing that shapes the education of a person in that specific area of expertise. Of course when we are interested in a subject, we don't see the whole learning process as something bad, or tiresome. We simpy feel like we want to know more. Education is a more vast term, though. It reffers not only to school, but to everything that one can learn throughout one's life. Being educated also means having good manners, which is a very important thing as well.
However, "Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught." (Oscar Wilde).

Day 19

2011-05-26T04:47:00.000-07:00

Challenge 19: Disrespecting your parents.
Even if we don't mean it, sometimes it happens, mainly because we and they think differently, we feel differently about various subjects, and we inevitably get into arguments. The fact that they have such narrow ideas and conceptions especially about new, modern stuff, is sometimes too much for us to take, and as we can't stand the fact that someone can actually be this backward-thinking, we get angry and...well, we all know how it goes.
However, parents are still parents, and no matter what we do we can't change them and we have to accept them as they are, because they gave birth to us and raised us, and will always help us throughout our lives.
I personally think my parents are pretty cool, they've come to understand certain things, and even if they don't consider them normal, they struggle to accept them, either because they're important to me, or because they realize that times have changed, and everything is upside down nowadays.

Day 18

2011-05-24T23:28:00.000-07:00

Challenge 18: Your beliefs
Oh, well.This could go on forever.
I believe:

that coincindeces exist
that people have to be more careful with the environment
that animals(especially really cute ones) are just as important beings as humans
that there are sooo many narrow minded people around the world, which really annoys me
that even if people are annoying, irrelevant or down right stupid, they deserve to be treated with respect
that everyone should be allowed to do anything they want as long as it doesn't bother others
that dreams have a meaning
that love is a matter of choice
that gay marriages should be legalized
in Karma(a bit)
that Europe is the prettiest continent
in culture

I don't believe:

in god/s
in "love at first sight"
in Horoscope
in animal testing
in magic

Day 17

2011-05-24T04:56:00.001-07:00

Challenge 17:Your highs and lows of this past year.

2010 wasn't my best year so far, but it's safe to say that I've learned a lot. I've lost lots of things, and it was somewhat cruel, but it taught me hundreds of things. I have been trying, sooo damn hard, to do something in order to be able to move away to another country in fall, and I managed that, so...I think that's the best thing I've acomplished so far. Also, I've made time to read more, which was good, and helpful. At the moment I'm trying to improve my French, so I guess that's a good thing, too. The worst things that have happened to me this year are gone now, so I really don't wanna get into it right now. Overall, it was a productive year, but not a very fun one. However, I expect that to change starting next couple of months. School's ending, summer is settling in and making everything okay again.

Day 16

2011-05-23T03:43:00.000-07:00

Challenge 16: Your views on mainstream music. The only time that I listen to mainstream music is when I work out, because it's on TV, and when I go out, because it's played virtually everywhere. Of course, everybody has their 'guilty pleasures' when it comes to music, and I have some of those, as well. But generally, I appreciate more the music of subcultures. It doesn't mean that I don't respect mainstream music, it just means that I'm not that into it.

Day 15

2011-05-22T01:15:00.000-07:00

Challenge 15: Your favourite tumblrs.
I have only recently discovered tumblr, so I'm new at this, but there are some cute blogs that I check out every now and then.
http://youremysilverlining.tumblr.com
http://vintagefashionromance.tumblr.com
http://lovejen.tumblr.com
http://sheseespretty.tumblr.com
http://jeveuxtarevanche-.tumblr.com/

Day 14

2011-05-21T09:29:00.000-07:00

Challenge 14: Your earliest memory.
I remember signing into my blogger account, preparing myself to take today's challenge, and sadly realizing that it is sort of stupid...

Day 13

2011-05-20T03:16:00.000-07:00

Challenge 13: Somewhere you'd like to move or visit.
I would like to move to the UK, France or Italy. Or Greece. They all rock.
As for a place I'd like to visit, definitely Iceland. It has a certain mystery that I'd love to unravel. I mean, the Northern lights, icy blue seas, volcanos, and tall blonde blue-eyed men. How awesome is that? :-)

Day 12

2011-05-19T04:39:00.000-07:00

Challenge 12: Bullet your whole day

Woke up at 6:50 am, got ready and went to school.
I had Psycology in the morning and we didn't do anything, we just sat around, and I was bored, and I read a chapter of a book.
Then, I had English, which I was late for, and we did some idiotic lesson about travelling.
After that, I had History class, in which we talked about WW2.(the only useful thing we did today at school)
The next two classes were Art History and French, where we did absolutely nothing as well. From 1 to 3 we had Sculpture, but I skipped and came home.
When I got home, I played with my baby dog for a little while, and then I organized my wardrobe(I'm not done with that yet).
Now, I am writing on my blog, and since the day isn't over yet, but I don't know if I'll have time to post later, I'll tell you what I plan on doing the rest of my day.
I will organize my other wardrobe, jog for an hour, read some French lessons, finish my Composition project, and hopefully spen one hour tanning in my backyard.
Also, I will try to finish my book(Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte, awesome btw) and do my nails.

Day 11

2011-05-18T04:35:00.001-07:00

Challenge 11: Put your iPOD on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
1. Daydreamer-Adele
2. Notion-Kings of Leon
3. You know that I'm no good-Amy Winehouse
4. Cosmic girl-Jamiroquai
5. Fleur de saison-Emilie Simon
6. The sex has made me stupd-Robots in Disguise
7. Wasted-Cartel
8. Mr.Brightside-The Killers
9. Unwritten-Natasha Bedingfield
10.A night like this-Caro Emerald.

Day 10

2011-05-17T06:27:00.001-07:00

Challenge 10: Discuss your first love and first kiss.
When I was 4 years old I fell in love with some boy who had 'white' hair(actually blonde, but that's what I thought at the time) and blue eyes. Other than that, I've never really been in love with anyone. My first kiss was when I was 12, in Italy.

Day 9

2011-05-16T03:46:00.000-07:00

Challenge 9: How you hope your future will be like.
The eternal question. How complex. The answer is quite simple though. First, I want to move away from here and graduate from a nice University. I haven't actually decided what I want to major in, but I assume it will either be Psychology or International Law. So, after graduate, I want to buy a yacht and live on it, and travel the world. I don't want to get married nor have kids. That's pretty much it.

Day 8

2011-05-15T03:25:00.000-07:00

Challenge 8: A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life. I feel pretty satisfied with my life all the time. When there's something I don't like about it, I work on it until it's okay again. But the most recent moment when I've felt very enthusiastic about my life was when I found out that I'll be moving away to another country.

Day 7

2011-05-14T03:13:00.001-07:00

Challenge 7: Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
My sign is Aries, and it totally fits my personality. I've said it before, I don't believe in horoscope, but I do believe in zodiac, I do believe that zodiac signs have different traits, and mine fit perfectly.

Day 6

2011-05-13T10:19:00.000-07:00

Challenge 6: Write 30 interesting facts about yourself. 1.I use my middle name, not my first one. Few people actually know what my first name is. 2.There's a butterfly named like me, living in Ozark Mountains of Missouri and Arkansas, Speyeria Diana. 3.I can speak a bit of Turkish. 4.I read a lot. 5.When I was little, I used to write fairy tales. 6.I get my energy from sunshine. 7.I love thunderstorms. 8.Horror movies creep the hell out of me. Even silly ones. 9.I love casinos. 10.I suffer from OCD a little bit. 11.I do not go easy on people with bad grammar. 12.My favourite drink is champagne. 13.My least favourite drink is gin. 14.I used to have pink hair 4 years ago. 15.My favourite colour is blue. In all shades. 16.I'm an amazing cook. 17.I like history movies. 18.I am not good with computers. 19.My biggest dream is to live on a yacht. 20.I used to love painting, but I never have time for it anymore. 21.I am incredibly terrified of needles. 22.I kinda suck at maths. 23.My lucky number is 2. 24.I believe in zodiac, but not in horoscope. 25.I will open a dog shelter when I'll be rich and famous. 26.I will get another tattoo when I turn 18. 27.I steal things. 28.I'm scared that I might be a kleptomaniac. 29.I love incense sticks. 30.My favourite flower is the pink orchid.

Day 5

2011-05-12T04:19:00.000-07:00

Challenge 5 : A time when you thought about ending your own life. Well..I think that was when I found out that L.O.S.T. was over. Neah, kidding. I have seriously never thought about ending my own life. I may have been unhappy at times, or even incredibly unhappy at other times, but I've never even considered suicide; it's like a bad joke.

Day 4

2011-05-11T01:57:00.000-07:00

Challenge 4: Your views on religion.
It's not a subject deserving of great emphasis, in my opinion, but since it's a challenge, I must take it :-). I agree mostly with spiritual agnosticism:
"Spiritual agnosticism is a rejection of religion, not of God's exstence. Since spiritual agnostics realize that God may or may not exist, they are considered part of the "agnosticism tent."
More importantly, spiritual agnosticism is distinguished from other types of agnosticism simply by the phrase "it doesn't matter." A spiritual agnostic would say "It doesn't matter whether God exists or not, or how you worship God, what the afterlife consists of, etc."
Remember that spiritual agnostics emphasize the importance of the conscience. Since no human being can describe the divine with absolute certainty, spiritual agnostics instead place their confidence in this life's most reliable gauge of "goodness:" the conscience." (http://spiritualagnosticism.blogspot.com)
So, while you're trying to be as good a person as you possibly can, nothing else really matters.

Day 3

2011-05-10T04:50:00.000-07:00

Challenge 3: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
As long as one doesn't bother people with one's behaviour due to drugs and/or alcohol, I think one is always entitled to do whatever the hell one wants. :D

Day 2

2011-05-09T03:57:00.000-07:00

Challenge 2. : Where you'd like to be in 10 years.
I'd like to be living on a boat, sailing around the world.

30 day challenge

2011-05-08T07:35:00.001-07:00

Wishing to be more active around here; however, the lack of time and inspiration has driven me to the point where I'll take a kinda silly 30 day challenge, just so I won't be exactly on standby. So, that being said, Day 1 : Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is. I am not in a relationship right now nor I intend to be in the proximate future, because I obviously think that single life is better, no complications and no headaches. From where I stand, being single is more fun and, well...carefree :-)

And now, some pretty pictures of heels:

Almost all of these are by Christian Louboutin, undoubtedly my favourite shoe designer.
(what's with all the pictures? well, I've discovered tumblr and am obsessed with it ever since:-) )

favourites

2011-05-07T10:11:00.000-07:00

the dream

2011-05-06T05:01:00.000-07:00

Bold what's true

2011-05-05T10:56:00.000-07:00

1. You are female.
2. You are in high school.
3. You dropped out of high school.
4. You graduated within the last 5 years.
5. You live on your own.
6. You live within 20 minutes of your best friend. (one of them)
7. You live within 20 minutes of the last person you kissed.
8. You live within 20 minutes of your ex.
9. You have hugged someone in the last 72 hours.
10. You have been to the movies within the last week.
11. You have had 3 or more boyfriends/girlfriends just this year.
12. You have been a designated driver.
13. You have broken merchandise and not paid for it.
14. You have played strip poker.
15. You are Catholic.
16. You are atheist.
17. You recycle regularly.
18. You are a brunette.
19. You have dated a blonde.
20. You are friends with a redhead.
21. You are taller than your mom.
22. You have a checking account.
23. You’ve written a check for less than $5.
24. You have visited the Statue of Liberty.
25. You have visited the Eiffel Tower.
26. You have visited Big Ben.
27. You have visited the Colosseum.
28. You have visited The Great Wall of China.
29. You have never been out of the country.
30. You have been a waiter/waitress.
31. You own a Bible.
32. You own something with a Pentagram on it.
33. You have used a Ouija Board.
34. You have been a witch for Halloween.
35. You have been a zombie for Halloween.
36. You have been a Disney character for Halloween.
37. You don’t celebrate Halloween.
38. You have your belly button pierced.
39. You have your tongue pierced.
40. You have your eyebrow pierced.
41. You have a Monroe piercing.
42. You have your nose pierced.
43. You have an ankle tattoo.
44. You have a wrist tattoo.
45. You have a back tattoo.
46. You have no tattoos.
47. You have more than 5 tattoos.
48. You straighten your hair.

49. You have worn a dress in the last 3 days.
50. You live somewhere that gets snow.
51. You celebrate Hanukkah.
52. You were at your own house last New Year’s.
53. You were at a bar last New Year’s.
54. You slept through last New Year’s.
55. You have worked on Christmas Eve.
56. You have worked on Christmas.
57. You have been told “I love you” by someone today.
58. You were told by someone who’s not family.
59. You slept in your own bed last night.
60. You are dating the last person you kissed.
61. You enjoyed your last kiss.
62. You are wearing a necklace right now.
63. You are wearing something red.
64. You are wearing something blue.
65. You are wearing something purple.
66. Your phone is fully charged.
67. Your phone number ends with an even number.
68. You have kissed the last person you called/texted.
69. You last called/texted a boy.
70. You are currently listening to music.
71. You are waiting for something.
72. You don’t like seafood.
73. You have eaten deer sausage.
74. You have given a complete stranger your phone number.
75. You have been hit on at work.
76. You have been hit on by someone more than 20 years older than you.
77. You have been whistled at.
78. You were creeped out by it.
79. You are a good speller.
80. You are very punctual.
81. You were dating someone in December of 2009.
82. You are still dating that person.
83. You have cheated on someone.
84. You have been cheated on.
85. You have been on a cruise ship.
86. You have camped out in your own backyard.
87. You are wearing something that doesn’t belong to you.
88. You are a Pisces.
89. You are a Leo.
90. You are a Capricorn.
91. You have Irish heritage.
92. You have Polish heritage.
93. You have Japanese heritage.
94. You have Israeli heritage.
95. You have German heritage.
96. You have Portuguese heritage.
97. You have French heritage.
98. You have Norweigan heritage.
99. You have Korean heritage.
100. You were born in May.
101. You were born in June.
102. You were born in October.
103. You wonder what will happen when you die.
104. You are afraid of the dark.
105. You write in all capital letters.
106. You have been told you have nice handwriting.
107. You have had a song written for you.

108. You have had someone draw a picture of you.
109. You have curly hair.
113. You live within an hour of your birthplace.
114. You are wearing a watch.
115. You are wearing flip flops.
116. You wouldn’t date someone who smoked.
117. You know someone with the same birthday as you.
118. You are a morning person.
119. You are a night owl.
120. You slept in past 10am today.
121. You have big plans for next weekend.
122. You are thinking of someone right now.
123. Your job is stressing you out.
124. You don’t have a job.
125. You have never had a job.
126. You were fired from your last job.
127. You know sign language.
128. You made your bed today.
129. You will usually try something at least once.
130. You have been swimming in the last month.
131. You are pessimistic by nature.
132. You have taken a ballet class.
133. You have taken karate.
134. You have taken gymnastics.
135. You wish on shooting stars.
136. You wish at 11:11.
137. Your birthday has already come this year.
138. You have been in a relationship that lasted longer than a year.
139. You ended your last relationship.
140. Your ex ended your last relationship.
141. You are over your ex.
142. You have gone after someone you knew was bad for you.
143. You have let someone use you.
144. You have been in a physically abusive relationship.
145. You are engaged.
146. You are married.
147. You are divorced.
148. You have a child.
149. You were/are a teenage mom.
150. You were named after someone.
151. You like your name.
152. Your last drink was water.
153. You have visited somewhere said to be “haunted”.
154. You have skipped school just because you didn’t feel like going.
155. You have taken medicine when you “felt a headache coming on”.
156. You are self-conscious about your body.
157. You have a hangover.
158. You have had a Jehovah’s Witness show up at your house.
159. You have pet fish.
160. You live on a farm.
161. You live in a trailer.
162. You live in Montana.
163. You live in South Carolina.
164. You live in Illinois.
165. You live in Maryland.
166. You live in New Mexico.
167. You have godparents.
168. Your parents are still married.
169. You have step-siblings.
170. You are the oldest.
171. You are adopted.
172. You have a twin.
173. You don’t want kids.
174. You want more than 4 kids.
175. You have a bad temper.
176. You have made out with a complete stranger.
177. You usually make the first move in an intimate situation.
178. You regret losing your virginity.
179. You lost your virginity to someone the same age as you.
180. You lost your virginity to someone you were dating.
181. You lost your virginity before you were sixteen.
194. You have broken your arm.
195. You have had to get stitches on your face.
196. You have had an MRI.
197. Your fingernails are painted.
198. Your fingernails are painted black.
199. You like to read.
200. You like to cook.
201. You like to draw.
202. You can play an instrument.
203. You keep a lot of secrets from people.
204. You don’t think people would accept you if they really got to know you.
205. You don’t trust people easily.
206. You borrowed something you really need to give back to someone.
207. You drive a car older than a 2002.
208. You have lost a friend you never thought you would.
209. You know a child who died of cancer.
210. You know a teenager who died in a car wreck.
211. You have done something illegal in the past 24 hours.
212. You have cut your hair in the last week.
213. You wear glasses.
214. You have been pulled over for speeding.
215. You love to drive with the windows down.
216. Your favorite season is Autumn.
217. Your favorite color is orange.
218. Your favorite animal is a dolphin.
219. You last rode in a car with a relative.
220. You last rode in a car with a girl.
221. You last rode in a car with the person you are dating.
222. You regularly watch soap operas.
223. You love Italian food.
224. You love Mexican food.
225. You love Chinese food.
226. You can see a box of tissues from where you are.
227. You can see your reflection in a mirror.
228. You can see what’s on TV from where you are.
229. Your best friend is older than you.
230. You have to go to school/work tomorrow.
231. You answered every question truthfully.

Bold where you recognize yourself

2011-05-04T10:30:00.000-07:00

I am a male.
I am a girl.
I think I’m ugly sometimes.
I have scars.
I tan easily.
I wish my hair was a different color.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance.
I have/I’ve had braces.
I wear glasses/contacts.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
I have more than 2 piercings.
I have piercing in places besides my ears.
I have freckles.
I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve run away from home.
I’ve been kicked out of the house.
I have a sibling less than six year old.
I want to have kids someday.
I’ve lost a child.
I’m in school.
I have a job.
I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
I almost always do/did my homework.
I’ve missed a week or more of school.
I failed more than 1 class last year.
I’ve stolen something from my job.
I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
Disney movies still make me cry.
I’ve peed from laughing.
I’ve snorted while laughing.
I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
I’ve glued my hand to something.
I’ve had my pants rip in public.
I was born with a disease/impairment.
I’ve gotten stitches/staples.
I’ve broken a bone.
I’ve had my tonsils removed.
I’ve sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
I had a serious surgery.
I’ve had chicken pox.
I’ve had measles.
I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been to Canada.
I’ve been to Mexico.
I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
I’ve been to Japan.
I’ve celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
I’ve been to Europe.
I’ve been to Africa.
I’ve gotten lost in my city.
I’ve seen a shooting star.
I’ve wished on a shooting star.
I’ve seen a meteor shower.
I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
I’ve been to a casino.
I’ve been skydiving.
I’ve gone skinny dipping.
I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
I’ve crashed a car.
I’ve been skiing.
I’ve been in a play.
I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I’ve seen the Northern lights.
I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
I’ve played chicken fight.
I’ve played a prank on someone.
I’ve ridden in a taxi.
I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I’ve eaten sushi.
I’ve been snowboarding.
I’ve gone on a blind date.
I miss someone right now.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I’ve gotten divorced.
I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
I am a cuddler.
I’ve been kissed in the rain.
I’ve hugged a stranger.
I have kissed a stranger.
I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I’ve snuck out of my house.
I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I’ve cheated while playing a game.
I’ve cheated on a test.
I’ve run a red light.
I’ve been suspended from school.
I’ve witnessed a crime.
I’ve been in a fist fight.
I’ve been arrested.
I’ve consumed alcohol.
I regularly drink.
I’ve passed out from drinking.
I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.
I’ve eaten shrooms.
I’ve popped E.
I’ve inhaled Nitrous.
I’ve done hard drugs.
I have cough drops when I’m not sick.
I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
I shut others out when I’m depressed.
I take anti-depressants.
I have been anorexic or bulimic.
I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
I’ve woken up crying.
I’m afraid of dying.
I hate funerals.
I’ve seen someone dying.
Someone close to me has committed suicide.
I’ve planned my own suicide.
I’ve attempted suicide.
I’ve written a eulogy for myself.
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I own an iPod or MP3 player.
I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
I own something from Hot Topic.
I own something from Pac Sun.
I collect comic books.

Prejudices and how they manage to destroy you a little bit

2011-04-21T10:03:00.000-07:00

Today I've discovered that some of my principles are, in reality, prejudices. Which is really sad, because now I realize how much I've missed out on. Giving a hidden meaning to every action doesn't make one more complex. Trying to find all kinds of answers beneath the surface of every meaningless thing is tiresome. Everything I did was based on my so-called principles. My craving for freedom had a tragic side-effect : I ended up making crazy rules for myself, rules which I didn't like, but felt the horrid, masochistic need to create. It is beyond my comprehension why I've done what I have done and why I said no from the start, when I could have given it a chance. I totally could have given it a chance. But now, I'm afraid that the train has left the station. Prejudices...how they manage to destroy you, in the cruelest of ways. When you say no to something, on the spot, it feels right, because you've forced stupid rules upon yourself. But after a while, when you're really sad, or you discover that somebody else got what could have been yours, you are totally and completely filled with regret. The worst thing about regret is that most of the time, you only have yourself to blame. How harsh is it to discover that you're guilty for your own misery? I could have said yes, and things could have been really different. If only I had said yes...They've told me you've been very sad. Now must be my turn, because it seems that what goes around comes around. Ain't karma a heartless little bitch? :-) Anyway, from now on I totally promise not to care about irrelevant things anymore. If something feels right, it probably is.

Responsibility

2011-02-09T09:48:00.000-08:00

It's been said that the source of all our medical as well as emotional problems is our own mind. In fact, more and more people are starting to believe that.
Believing that someone else is responsible for your problems is infinitely less painful that admitting that you're the only one to blame. Accusing other people protects our unconscious survival system, allowing us to remain in our comfort zone, where we feel safe. The sad part is that this way, we block our inner growth process, which could release the pressure of a previous condition. On the other hand, if we've learned to always accuse other people for our problems, and never take responsibility for our feelings, emotions, and thoughts, we end up unable to recognise these things which represent a part of our personality.
If we will overcome the need to blame others, we will no longer be victims of the exterior circumstances of life. In other words, we will stop victimizing ouselves. The best thing that we can do is get out of our comfort zone, assume responsibility for our actions, and broaden our horizons by risking to make a small effort, or even a bigger one.

Boundaries

2011-02-02T08:57:00.000-08:00

We all have our limits. Some more flexible, others rather rigid. But take the time to think what would happen if boundaries wouldn't exist. Would everything go completely crazy and the entire world would be reigned by pure anarchy, or would the freedom open the minds of the twisted, conventional, conservative in constructive ways? Would it make us carefree or extremely dangerous? Would it calm the spirits if they were set free, or would it agitate them? If there were no laws, no rules, and one would be free and no longer constrained, would it improve the life and individuality of oneself, or would it damage it, leading to a gradual degradation of one's integrity and morality? And would the people feel free or threatened?
Even though I encourage a little bit of anarchy, I think it'd be impossible to exist in a world without any rules. Maybe only in an ideal world, without psychopats and...politicians. There have to be some guidelines, in order to have a bit of balance, because otherwise, people, as they are now, would pretty much destroy everything. And even though it would be amazing to be completely free, unfortunately, it's always going to be impossible. But hey, at least we can pretend like we're in charge of our lives. :-)

Everybody lies

2011-01-30T03:30:00.000-08:00

In 5 % of the time, we tell the truth. In the other 95 %, we aren't that sincere. I don't mean only verbally, I mean in the depths of our souls, and with every little piece of our beings. That's awful, don't you think? We're pathological, chronic liars, and we may not even be aware of it. Sometimes we lie to serve our own evil purposes, sometimes we lie to protect the ones we love(or at least that's what we like to think), and sometimes we lie...well, out of boredom or simply just because it's kinda fun. But the story of an individual lying to the surrounding world has been highly exaggerated, so I won't talk about it. In exchange, I will discuss the causes and effect of one lying to oneself.
It seems and probably is really sad that we constantly mislead ourselves, but it's also explainable. Sometimes, the truth is simply unbearable, thus we choose to ignore it or deny it. We very rarely accept it, and most of the time, we replace it with a twisted version, in which we are not exactly responsible for what happened, or we soften it, so it won't hurt so bad. But lying to ourselves means not following our hearts, it means betraying ourselves, not being faithful to our very essence. The interior conflict is imminent and unavoidable, because deep inside us dwell strong energies which shout to be released and fulfilled.

2011-01-24T10:22:00.000-08:00

We may not have everything, but we do have something. However, that something never seems to be enough. We always search for methods to gain more, to get more, to produce more of everything. In that search, we often lose our purpose, our life even. We no longer stop and enjoy what we already have, because we're so desperate to multiply it. Instead of looking for ways to improve our belongings, personalities, feelings or whatever, we are looking for ways to gather more. Will it ever stop? Will we ever be satisfied with what we have in the moment? I think not. The searching, wanting more, leads us to evolution, revolution. The gathering and the gaining and the multiplying makes us more complex beings, and even if we really want to, we can't stop, by nature. We were born to evolve, we were born to want more and better. It's somehow sad, that our entire existence's purpose is to crave for more, but it's also healthy and fulfilling.

Pretend

2011-01-21T10:06:00.001-08:00

Ok, so we all know how annoying it is when someone pretends to be all idealistic and different, and original and special and freakin' daydreamy. Yeah, that's cool. Let's all pretend to be misunderstood outcasts-slash-artists-slash-hippies. What you people don't know is that we're already unique. We don't have to act like we're preocupied with existential problems just to prove that we're special. We're already special. We're already artists, in our own artistic way, and we're already misunderstood. Every day, since the moment we wake up to the moment we fall asleep, we are misunderstood. Nobody knows what we're thinking, nobody knows if we're actually really messed up inside. Hell, most people don't even care. And deep inside, since we know ourselves best, we know and feel like outcasts, always. And we daydream. We all daydream all the freakin' time. Which means we're idealistic. So what I'm saying is, we don't need to pretend. We're already..well, us.

The Revelation

2011-01-15T12:23:00.000-08:00

You know how sometimes, when you lay on your back on the floor, staring at the ceiling, something just hits you? The moment when your mind simply drifts away and you don't even notice that you aren't thinking about anything at all? The first thing that pops into your head is often a question that you may or may not have been asking yourself for quite some time, or just a fact that you thought to be true. In that moment, in that very second, an answer may reveal itself to you. One day, a normal day of your life, you may be living as a simple human being, and you may be discovering that someone who was of a somewhat importance to you, no longer is. A thing they say, or a thing they do may very well turn them into someone you no longer care about. And the loss doesn't even count. You don't feel pain, you feel nothing. I feel nothing.

Whatever you like, or not

2011-01-11T04:55:00.000-08:00